


All We Could've Been

by chelswritess



Category: Red Queen Series - Victoria Aveyard
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 22:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19260613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelswritess/pseuds/chelswritess
Summary: A one shot set before RQ, one of Maven's rare happy moments before it turns into ash.





	All We Could've Been

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so I'm reposting this to organize these all!

A gift for @thomaven on Tumblr for Red Queen Secret Santa 2017!!! Merry Christmas!

Takes place during Kings Cage while Maven reminisces about all those years ago with what he once had and what it could've been. Slightly smutty, so you've been warned.

Chapter Text  
His lips were gentle against his own as they moved together as one. Thomas ran a hand through his hair, pulling Maven even closer as their lips continued its descent. Down his neck, fleeting ones across his stomach that spoke of such love and tenderness that Maven hadn't even known was possible.

Such a feeling was exhilarating and yet so infinitely gentle. A raging storm and the soft shades of dawn blooming against the the sky. It was a war of emotion that battled in his chest and in the end the high that Thomas was giving him won out.

Their shirts had been thrown onto the floor and Maven felt slightly dazed at his ability to even do such a thing so quickly. He'd never kissed anyone, had never even thought of it until he met a certain blond haired boy with a cheeky grin and a knack for fixing broken things.

It so happened that Maven considered himself a broken thing.

Thomas always treated him as an equal, perhaps even as what others called friends. He'd asked Cal what the literal definition of a friend as he seemed to have many of those, though Maven knew as well as anyone that most were forced out of politeness.

His older brother had explained that a friend was someone who you could trust, a person who when you saw them, your heart lifted and you longed to share your hopes and fears, the smallest details of your day and the hilarious stories. A person who would love you for you and wouldn't abandon you in the darkest times.

Maven had decided from that day on to call Thomas his friend.

But even then as time passed and feelings changed, the word "friend" no longer encapsulated what Maven wanted from Thomas and vice versa.

As touches became more daring and words more bold came forth, they both knew that what they had was no longer friendship but something more. Something wonderful and wild and reckless.

Was it love?

The question was constantly in the back of his mind as he tried to push it farther away. Love was a foreign thing to him. His mother claimed to love him but were her sharp whispers and twisted words really love? Deep down in the good remaining shard of his heart, untouched yet by Elara's ability, Maven knew it wasn't love. What about his father?

The man who couldn't look him in the eye when he said he was proud of him. No, that couldn't be love either. He supposed the only bit of love he knew was with his brother, and even that seemed to wane day by day. But that was different from what Thomas and Maven had. A stronger and deeper kind of bond ran between the two of them.

Thomas whispered something in his ear that Maven couldn't quite catch, but when he began to nip at his neck, all thoughts of that unheard sentence shattered. This, Maven thought. This was love, it had to be.

Maven had seen how girls at court looked at Cal, with their fluttering eyelashes and shy smiles. But their eyes held something else. Lust. For power or for him, Maven supposed it depended on whom. Their key to the throne had a pretty face at least.

What Thomas looked at him with wasn't like that at all. There was the same cloudy lust, sure, but when they locked gazes, time seemed to slow. He looked at him as if he were the most precious thing in the world to him. And when his hand brushed his cheek, it was so gentle, as if he were caressing glass.

Every touch, every whispered word was a gift, almost too unreal to Maven. Each time he woke up beside Thomas, each time their lips met, that same feeling of dread pool in stomach.

This can't be real. It's a dream, too good to be true.

Now that Maven looked back on it, it was a dream. Too hazy to fully recall but for the first time since Elara had died, Thomas burned in his thoughts brighter than ever.

He wondered if it had anything to do with the the girl in chains who resided not too far away from him.

As the memory continued on, Maven shut his eyes tightly, bracing for what was to come next.

They toppled backwards onto Thomas's small cot, their breaths ragged, hearts pumping furiously.

I love you, he wanted to say. But the words were swallowed by Thomas's lips so Maven tried to express that with his body, knowing he could say it after.

Now he dragged his hand down his face, nails threatening to pierce the skin. Stupid, stupid, stupid he cursed to himself.

He wanted this to stop, he couldn't watch what would happen next. But his mind wouldn't listen it played on and Maven was helpless.

He was burning.

Inside and out, the feeling consumed him until there was no chance he could put a leash on the fire. When Thomas put his mouth on him Maven thought he would explode. His breathing was uneven, hands seeking purchase. He tangled his fingers into his blonde hair, needing something, anything to anchor him in a world that now rocked and swayed.

Maven yelped at Thomas's movements and was rewarded with a laugh from the boy who looked up at him from his stomach. "What, is this bothering you?" he grinned. He did it again and Maven hissed. Thomas poked his cheek, eyes lighting mischievously. His nails traced a path across his stomach and a startled laugh shot out of Maven's mouth. He squirmed as Thomas continued to tickle him and Maven didn't have the heart to slap him away. So they both ended up laughing as they tried to tickle the other.

Slowly, softly, he lowered his mouth back to Thomas's hesitantly. He sensed it and urged him to continue. Even now he was afraid.

Heat engulfed them both as they both soared. Higher and higher this feeling took them. Maven felt as if love had given them wings to perhaps fly together.

As he now sat alone in his darkened bathroom he laughed bitterly, the water in the tub sloshing with his movements. The arrow of reality had shot them down swiftly. Maybe that was a good thing. Even before their relationship had begun Maven knew it would end in flames. Perhaps not so quite literally but it would have to end all the same.

He was a matchstick and as Thomas dragged his hand down his back Maven felt as if he had been lit. He could feel the bruises forming in his neck. There was so much of it, so much feeling. Maven hadn't even known such an intense emotion could exist. But here in the breath of time, carefully suspended, it was a moment he wished he could freeze and stay in forever.

But of course nothing froze. The flames burning within only grew hotter and extended outwards. It started with his cheeks flushing a silver so intense it made him appear paler. Thomas had always teased him about how he'd never seemed to blush when he had no idea that Maven was a Silver.

Thomas paused slightly at the new heat but shrugged it off and resumed his place at Maven's hipbone.

More, more, more, his body urged him. Maven complied, not needing anymore encouragement. He wanted this, he needed this. Red and blue weaved around them along with flickers of gold, almost like embers. It was beautiful, a moment of beauty and utter bliss. The room grew hotter, burning them both.

They again became so lost in each other that Maven didn't even notice when the flames he had meant to store inside his heart burst from him. Thomas whispered something in his ear, low and panicked. Then again but louder. Maven shook himself out if the stupor hat he'd been in and glanced up at the room in horror.

Everything was blue, gold and red. The bubble he'd been picturing himself in was now a reality. Worst of all, Thomas batted the flames that now latched onto his body. He howled in agony and the sound tore through Maven. This sound would haunt him till the end of his days.

His fingertips sputtered with blue flames and they wreathed themselves around his body he lunged forwards to help Thomas but he stumbled back. Fear and confusion battled within his blue gaze. But most of all it was a sense of betrayal. Thomas knew what he was now. His lips moved and somehow over the sound of my roaring flames Maven heard what he said. It was one whispered thing, a plea.

"Maven," he whispered as he struggled against the flames. Maven knew he wouldn't be able to stop this and the thought pounded through him. What good was his ability if he couldn't even save the only person he loved?

He didn't remember screaming for help but he must've as the Sentinels burst in, pulling Maven back from Thomas. The sound of his agony stopped abruptly and a ringing noise settled itself in Maven's ears. The smell of burnt flesh didn't even register in his nose. All he saw was the blackened pile of ash that used to be the boy he loved.

The ash crumbled and was swept away on a breeze. When the situation finally clicked, Maven screamed, a sound of utter pain.

His knees gave way at some point as he stared at the spot where Thomas once stood. He scrambled over to what few ashes remained of him and began to sob. He didn't even care that his Sentinels were witnessing their prince in such a sorry state, half naked and weeping over a Red boy.

But Thomas wasn't just any Red. He was everything to Maven. And now he was gone.

It was all a blur now, red, grey, black. Amber eyes meeting his across from the transport as his brother bounded over inspecting him for injuries despite knowing full well fire couldn't harm either of them. No, his wounds ran beneath. They scarred his mind, left bruises across his heart.

Cal wrapped him up in a hug and Maven clutched him back, tugging the blanket that covered him tighter.

The memory disappated then, resuming back to blurs and flashes. It was the rest that his mother had taken away.

Tears ran salty tracks down his cheeks as Maven regained his sense of time. His tears rolled off his face, dripping into the water of the tub. He was shaking now, anything to keep the sobs stuck in his throat where they belonged.

The way Thomas had said his name, his last words struck a chord in him. He thought he'd buried that but when he'd granted Samson's petition to interrogate Mare, she looked no different.

Except that time the ringing was caused by the party that milled around them. Wide eyes, his name whispered on her lips, staring and staring as if they were the only people in the world. What good was any if it if his fire and title couldn't have rescued the both of them? How was he so helpless to save the ones he loved?

He never wanted to be helpless again.

A light knock at the door made him jump. Anger lit in his chest at the interruption, at allowing himself to even have let his mind wander back to a time that best remained forgotten.

Mare walked in. The strangeness of this situation rendered him momentarily speechless.

Her eyes darted around with curiousity. They widened at Maven's state and he almost laughed. Here was his second chance. After Thomas, Maven thought he'd never feel that way for another person again. But each time he touched her, was even near her, he wanted her just as he'd wanted Thomas.

And this time, he wouldn't lose control. It was what he needed to keep her here with him. And this time he would not let go.

***

I CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS SHIT


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